Elephant Jokes
What's grey and puts out forest fires? Smokey the Elephant.
What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies? You miss most of the picture!
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale? A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What weighs 5000 pounds and wears glass slippers? Cinderelephant
What has 6 legs, 3 ears, 4 tusks and 2 trunks? An elephant with spare parts.
What is large and gray and goes around in circles? An elephant stuck in a revolving door.
What do elephants do for laughs? They tell people jokes.
What game do elephants like to play most? Squash.
What did the cat say to the elephant? Meow.
What did the peanut say to the elephant? Nothing, peanuts can't talk.
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How do you stop a charging elephant? Take away its credit cards
What's the difference between eating an elephant and eating peanut butter? Elephants don’t stick to the roof of your mouth.
How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator? Look for elephant tracks in the butter.
How do you know that two elephants have been in the refrigerator? There are two sets of footprints in the butter dish.
How do you know that a herd of elephants has been in the refrigerator? There is a Volkswagen parked in front of your house and there are lots of footprints in the butter dish.
If you see an elephant in your car, what time is it? Time to get a new car
Why do elephants walk on four feet? Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean.
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What should you do to a blue elephant? Cheer it up
What should you do to a green elephant? Wait 'til it gets ripe
What should you do to a red elephant? Stop telling it dirty jokes
What should you do to a yellow elephant? Teach it to be brave
What should you do to a white elephant? Hold its nose until it turns blue
How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a red elephant? Strangle it till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a green elephant? Tell it a dirty joke until it blushes and turns red, then strangle it until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a yellow elephant? What are you talking about? There are no yellow elephants!
What should you do to a green elephant? Wait 'til it gets ripe
What should you do to a red elephant? Stop telling it dirty jokes
What should you do to a yellow elephant? Teach it to be brave
What should you do to a white elephant? Hold its nose until it turns blue
How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a red elephant? Strangle it till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a green elephant? Tell it a dirty joke until it blushes and turns red, then strangle it until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a yellow elephant? What are you talking about? There are no yellow elephants!
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Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes? Because the white ones always get dirty.
Why do elephants float in the river upside-down? To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.
How do you get an elephant up an oak tree? Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years.
How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree? Sit it on a leaf and wait until fall for the leaves to drop.
Why do ducks have flat feet? For stamping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? For stamping out flaming ducks.
Why do giraffes have long necks? For spitting on burning elephants.
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill? Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill!
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill? Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
Why did the elephants wear sunglasses? With all these dumb elephant jokes, would YOU want to be recognized?
What did the elephants say when they saw Tarzan coming over the hill? Nothing, elephants can't talk.
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of giraffes coming over the hill? "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant? Grapes are purple.
How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant if you're color blind? Dance on it for a while. If you don't get any wine, it's an elephant.
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why did the elephant cross the road? He was riding with the chicken.
Why did the elephant cross himself? The chicken was a bad driver.
After they crossed the road, the chicken and the elephant went to church. Why did the elephant cross himself? To get to the Other Side.
Why did the elephant cross himself? The chicken was a bad driver.
After they crossed the road, the chicken and the elephant went to church. Why did the elephant cross himself? To get to the Other Side.
What was the elephant doing on the freeway? About 5 mph
Why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chicken's day off.
Why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chicken's day off.